Mini-review: Claire explores her feelings for Gretchen, Noah and Tracy fail to save Jeremy and Sylar gets the upper hand on Matt. Samuel takes his anger out on some cops … again.

Recap: Two weeks ago I suggested that Claire’s kiss with Gretchen was a transparent publicity stunt designed to bring salivating teenage geeks back to the show. At the time I thought, mistakenly, that the kiss was a one-off destined for the regularly emptied dustbin of television history.

Instead, it seems that Heroes’ writers have chosen to elongate this college experimentation cliché in order to dangle the possibility of future Hayden Panettiere lesbian love scenes in front of the aforementioned geeks, seemingly unaware that google and PVRs have long since made actually watching the show a requisite for seeing such action.

It’s not that all lesbian storylines are somehow inherently cynical, they’re not; it’s just that in this particular context the same-sex narrative is about as dramatically credible as the recent lesbian kiss in Megan Fox’s movie Jennifer’s Body. The Claire kiss even received a pre-show publicity blitz similar to one for Jennifer’s Body centred on the promise of a topless Sapphic scene featuring the Transformers starlette. That scene ended up being an unfulfilled promise (left on the cutting room floor), and the geeks saw right through it, kind of like how we can all see through this sad and vaguely offensive attempt to keep Heroes interesting.

Claire’s story opened with her and Gretchen lying in separate beds awkwardly discussing the kiss. Gretchen is apologetic, but Claire’s feelings are ambiguous (sigh), focusing on how important Gretchen’s friendship is to her. The girls are interrupted when their sorority sisters attempt to kidnap them for Hell Week, succeeding only after Claire goes all Buffy the Vampire Slayer on them.

The next thing we know, the two girls are trapped together in the trunk of a car in a scene targeted right at the throbbing … the throbbing hearts of those who troll the Internet in search of even the vaguest hints of celebrity nipple. Claire makes the aim clear, remarking that there are “entire websites devoted to this.” Well there are now. Claire won’t rule out a romantic relationship, leaving it at, “I don’t know” when asked about her feelings. The girls are sent off on a sorority scavenger hunt in a slaughterhouse.

Over the next several scenes Gretchen continues to flirt, stopping only long enough to be rescued from death by Claire as Samuel’s invisible minion Vicky continues to try and kill anyone close to the former cheerleader. Along the way the pair is trailed by two valley girls also on the scavenger hunt. We wonder what they’re around for right up until the moment when Claire foils another attempt by Vicky to kill Gretchen, wounding Vicky and forcing her to flee in the process, but ending up hanging impaled on a spike herself, leaving the tag-along girls to watch in horror as Claire miraculously heals. The secret is out. The storyline wraps up with Gretchen wondering, “what are we going to do?”

Meanwhile, Noah and Tracy hook up in attempt to help Jeremy, the self-orphaned healer/killer from last week’s episode. Noah tries to get the police to release Jeremy, but because Noah isn’t a family member — and because the hillbilly cops harbour doubts about the teen’s violent past— they won’t let the boy go. Noah calls in Tracy to pose as an aunt and because her own struggles with accidental murder mirror Jeremy’s own.

Then, as if out of nowhere, Samuel appears and transports Tracy to the carnival camp where he gives his worn-out speech about how everyone with powers needs a “home,” especially Jeremy. His sermon continues along the novel theme of every person with powers being intimately connected. It’s as if Samuel is turning into the Magneto of the Heroes universe. Tracy asks to go home, but not before a silly-hat wearing Sylar recognizes her, forcing Samuel to chastise him for continuing to remember Nathan’s memories instead of his own.

The police release Jeremy and Tracy and Noah plot to give him a new identity and move him to Washington D.C. where they can both keep a close eye on him. Sadly, a mob has gathered outside the station and when Jeremy tries to pass an angry man grabs him and immediately suffers the consequences. Noah yells to Jeremy that he can undo the damage and save the man from death, but it’s too late. Jeremy walks back into the station escorted by the police.

Noah and Tracy plead with the police to let them see Jeremy, but they aren’t feeling very compassionate. Meanwhile, behind the station, a vigilante officer has tied Jeremy to a car. He taunts the boy, saying he’s not “normal,” but Jeremy manages to resist the temptation to kill him. His mercy is punished when the car speeds away dragging him behind.

Tracy and Noah come across Jeremy’s mutilated body — he’s dead. Tracy is furious with an apologetic and heartbroken Noah, and she demands that he never call her again. Instead of driving off, Tracy takes out the compass that Samuel slipped her earlier. Looks as if his sermon made an impact.

In a scene that verged on parody, Samuel makes an impact of his own, striding down Main street at high noon, spurs clicking, ready for revenge upon the police who killed Jeremy. He uses his powers to create a sinkhole beneath the station, destroying the building and killing everyone inside.

Parkman’s story opens with a down-by-the-fire love scene between Matt and his wife. Except Matt seems to be a little more vigorous than usual and before long it is revealed that Sylar was at the steering wheel. The trapped villain taunts Matt when he awakes and promises to do more violent harm to his wife next time he manages to get control of what is increasingly becoming “their” body.

Parkman moves to remove the threat to his wife by convincing her to leave the house without letting him know where her and the baby are going.

Matt calls Mohinder (he’s still alive?), and in perhaps the only deliberately funny moment of the show, Sylar does a spot on impersonation, remarking in the Indian doctor’s distinctive accent: “he’s probably working on his father’s research.” Parkman is desperately seeking a way to banish Sylar from his brain, and he inadvertently comes upon a solution. He notices that the beer he’s drinking seems to be hurting Sylar and so proceeds to get blackout drunk, eventually causing Sylar to disappear completely.

Matt awakes to find his wife and police partner entering the room. Both are worried for him. His partner tells Matt he needs to start the recovery program anew and although it looks as if he’s going to get a fresh start, something tells us Sylar can’t be killed that easily. As Parkman turns a corner we see Sylar’s face; the villain used the blackout to slip behind the steering wheel of Matt’s body. It was all a clever trick. A clever trick that means the most interesting character on Heroes now has control of not one, but two bodies, a conceit that hopefully yields something more compelling than the promise of two girls kissing.

Defining scene: Claire and Gretchen get tied up and thrown in the trunk of a car together. Claire makes jokes about bondage. Enough said.

Next week: Hiro strives to save his lost love from Sylar in the past and Samuel seems to be tagging along. Looks like Sylar’s history will figure prominently.